Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
