There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
