I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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