I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
