if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
