Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
