my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
