Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
