a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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