There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
