yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
