I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
