okay pat passed out under dana's car
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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