so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
