So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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