she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
