I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
