I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
