So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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