All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
wanna go halves on a baby?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
