I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
