Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
