Can i not drive my cunt home
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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