I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
my liver is dry heaving
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
