I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
