omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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