Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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