I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
