He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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