Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize