I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize