found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
