I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
