everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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