I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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