I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
