Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
