I'm lost and stupid without you.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
