she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
