The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
