How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
