3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
