you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
