I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize