you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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