I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
