someone threw a dead crab at me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
