How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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