While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
