I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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