He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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