is your mom at the bar?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
