Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
