I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i dont even know how to be here
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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