that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
