His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
