I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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