8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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