walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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