Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
