I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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