I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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