she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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