hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
