dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
