My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
