I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
