I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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