I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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