I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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