I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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