Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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